I’m 50 And It’s Not Funny

I recently turned 50. I didn’t want to turn 50. I tried hard not to. It happened anyway.

In the United States, 4,199,000 people will turn 50 this year. This has no relevance whatsoever, but it sounded important.

So what do all 4,199,000 of us do now? Get congratulated on making it this far? Receive trophies? Fancy watches? A fist bump? Does anyone pay us for this hard work? A new tax credit? Is it time to celebrate, or cry? I've decided it's time to celebrate.

Brandi Pitman

I'm a modern-day success story. I mean, I made it to 50 without any jail stories. didn't marry an idiot, buy a lion on a whim, or get an embarrassing tattoo while drunk. See!